Doctor, Doctor...
By Dave Hall
For all you hypochondriacs out there, Dave Hall continues his regular look at a some of the more unusual medical conditions, as well as some you thought you knew all about.
This week: GOUT.
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Condition – Gout is form of arthritis caused by a build up of uric acid. This acid forms urate crystals in joints, tendons and other body tissues, leading to extreme burning pain and inflammation. Gout typically affects people who are obese, and is more common in affluent societies because of the diets that are often rich in proteins, fat and alcohol. It usually occurs in men between the ages of 40 and 50 and, rather bizarrely, affects the big toe first – in about 75% of cases - although it can also affect other joints. Historical tales of week-long banquets ending in severe gout may actually be pretty accurate, although not something that is as common these days.
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Contagion – Not contagious at all, although eating nice food is contagious - so stay away from posh dinner parties.
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| Danger of death – Not much chance of dying with this one, but men who consume two or more sugary soft drinks a day have an 85% higher risk of gout, and the consumption of beer is associated with a 49% increase in the risk of gout. |  |
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Incurability? – Pain relief is the most common treatment, and it rarely gets so serious that it needs anything more complicated. Medical experts advise people to avoid foods high in protein and to avoid dehydration. For very extreme cases, surgery may be needed to correct joint deformity, but this is rare.
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Likelihood of getting time off work – If you develop septic arthritis, you will be sure to be sent home to recover! But start bragging about the eight-course meal you had the evening before – you’ll get no sympathy and you won't be very popular in the office.
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| Brag-ability – Well, on the plus side, famous gout sufferers include Henry VIII, Nostradamus, Christopher Columbus, Isaac Newton, Thomas Jefferson – shall I go on? Ok, Karl Marx, Benjamin Disraeli, John Milton, Queen Anne… you’re in esteemed (albeit deceased) company. On the negative side, you’ll be a laughing stock for having it in the first place. Swings and roundabouts… |
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Overall ridiculousness – Just like the huge banquets of yesteryear, gout is not as common as it once was - good news for suckling pigs everywhere. |
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More conditions to come soon:
Sotos syndrome, Cholera and more.
Find more curious conditions in Doctor Doctor. If you can't wait for the next Doctor Doctor, then why not find a Phunny Phobia to keep you going?
Photo: Portrait of Henry VIII by Hans Holbein the Younger.
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