The Other Lab: Bone rings

By Richard Bond

“Couples who want to share more than vows are getting the opportunity to share their bone too ...researchers are growing rings made out of the couples’ bone. They will be grown from bone cells taken from their jawbone.”
From BBC News Website, 10th June 2005.

…Thomas Clive, do you take Sara Jane to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part?

Mmmm. Mmm.

Pardon?

Mmm. Mmm.

I’m afraid nodding your head and grimacing isn’t really sufficient.

Mmm. Mmm.

I understand that you must be very nervous but please try.

Mmm. Mmm.

I’ll come back to you. Sara Jane, do you take Thomas Clive to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part?

Ugh. Ugh.

What?

Ugh. Ugh

Good grief! What is it with you two? OK, let’s go straight to the rings. Does the best man have the rings?

Not quite

What?

Well, they’re not quite ready yet.

Not ready?

No, they’re still growing.

Growing?

Back in the lab. We had to use their wisdom teeth you see.

Wisdom teeth?

Yes, to grow the rings. We had to take out their wisdom teeth and then use bone cells from their jaws to grow bone rings.

Did you?

Yes, osteoblasts they’re called.

Osteoblasts? Really, well how very interesting.

Yes, but unfortunately, they’re not quite ready yet, we’ve had a few technical difficulties you see...

Of course. Entirely understandable. In that case perhaps we should go back to my previous question. Does anyone here know of any just cause and impediment why this couple should not be joined together in holy matrimony?

[Silence]

Can I venture a suggestion?