The Other Lab: Iceberg

By Richard Bond

“An iceberg the size of Norfolk has broken off an Antarctic ice shelf.”
From BBC News 20/3/02.

A phone rings at the British Antarctic Survey...

David? Jemima here, from the Beeb. We met at the British Association?

Of course, Jemima, how can I help you?

We need the low down on this iceberg business.

What exactly do you need to know Jemima?

Well, how big it is for a start.

According to our guys it’s about 5,500 square km.

Yes, but how big is that?

What do you mean ‘how big is that’?

Well, how big is 5,500 square kilometres, exactly?

Just over 2,000 square miles.

No, I mean what is that equivalent to? People don’t know how big 5,500 square kilometres is. I mean, is it the size of Wales, for example?

Good heavens no. It’s about the size of Trinidad.

Trinidad?

Yes.

But how big is Trinidad?

What?

How big is Trinidad?

About 5,500 square kilometres.

Yes I know, but people don’t have a concept how big Trinidad is either. I mean, it won’t mean anything to them. Besides, it’s an island. It’s no point telling people that something that’s already an island has broken off something. It won’t make much sense.

Really?

No way. What's Trinidad the same size as? It needs to be something people can relate to, like an English county perhaps?

I suppose it’s about the same size as Cornwall.

Cornwall? Um, tricky. I mean Cornwall’s practically an island anyway, and it might get taken the wrong way. They’re very sensitive down there.

How about Oxfordshire?

Landlocked. I mean it wouldn’t make sense to say that something the size of Oxfordshire had broken off, would it? How could Oxfordshire break off? Wrong image entirely.

I suppose so. Well how about Norfolk then?

Norfolk? Ah, now you’re talking. That’s something people can relate to. Nobody will mind the idea of Norfolk slipping into the sea. Great, now tell me David, what exactly is an ice shelf...