Doctor, Doctor...
By Dave Hall
For all you hypochondriacs out there, Dave Hall continues his regular look at a some of the more unusual medical conditions, as well as some you thought you knew all about.
This week: OBJECT SEXUALITY.
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Condition – Object sexuality is a rare and very strange condition where people fall in love with non-living objects. It is unknown when the condition was first identified, but there have been several incidents of this occurring, many of which have ended in newspaper headlines and personal ridicule.
Take the story of Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer for example, a woman who married the Berlin Wall in 1979. She is said to have fallen in love with the wall when she first saw it on TV when she was just seven, and was quoted as saying, “the Great Wall of China's attractive, but he’s too thick – my husband is sexier”. Other sufferers include Erika La Tour Eiffel, who claims she is married to the Eiffel Tower, and American Amy Wolfe, who’s had relationships with a church organ, a banister and a fairground ride and June Martins who recently cheated on her long term partner, a 1950s gramophone, with a 1960s jukebox – the saucy minx. |
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Contagion – None, no danger of contracting this – it’s just something that happens (if you’re mad).
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| Danger of death – None, unless you marry a electricity pylon and try and shag it on your wedding night. |
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Incurability? – With the aid of some very strong counselling, it is possible to get yourself back out of the habit of dating inanimate objects and back to reality.
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Likelihood of getting time off work – If you start dry humping the photocopier then, yes, you’ll be sent home to think about what you’ve done. Men, please be very careful when trying anything with office shredders.
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| Brag-ability – NO, NO, NO – not something that you’ll want to bring attention to, and inviting your friends round for a night of wedding photos will do you no favour at all when they see you wrapped round a fence/lamppost/post-box/etc. |
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Overall ridiculousness – Certainly one of the more interesting conditions we have featured – time for the men in white coats to pay a visit. |
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More conditions to come soon:
Werewolf syndrome, Halitosis and more.
Find more curious conditions in Doctor Doctor. If you can't wait for the next Doctor Doctor, then why not find a Phunny Phobia to keep you going?
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