Wee Research For Wee Boys
By Richard Bond
Researchers want to help toilet-train boys by encouraging them to pee at a target spot, using plastic bullseye stickers impregnated with temperatures sensitive pigment which change colour in response to warm urine.
You wanted to see me Professor?
As yes, come in and take a seat Jeremy. As you know it has always been my policy to encourage staff to participate, whenever practicable, in the research projects of colleagues in other laboratories.
Despite –
Yes, despite Ms Bowen's involvement in Professor Drummond's ill-fated project.
I hear she is responding well to the latest course of heavy duty antibiotics.
Glad to hear it.
And she can now start hormone treatment to combat the damage to her thyroid caused by that microchip he inserted in her neck.
Excellent news. I have always taken the view that the progress of rigorous scientific experimentation cannot be without the occasional casualty.
Indeed.
However, our Laboratory Superintendent has brought a matter to my attention that may force me to review this policy.
Really?
I refer to the sudden appearance of plastic 'bullseye' stickers on the walls of the Gents Toilet, accompanied by what I take to be pseudonyms or graffiti 'tags' as I believe they are called.
Ah, yes.
I am told they are the result of the involvement of a number of male staff in a project led by our neighbours in the Department of Intervention Parenting.
Do you mean their work on encouraging small boys to urinate accurately?
Indeed, a research objective which is to be much welcomed. However, I am less convinced of the need to involve supposedly mature male adults from a convenient nearby laboratory to test these colour-changing stickers.
I think I know where you’re coming from Professor.
Good. While the efforts of 'Meatball', 'Big John' and the others are not unimpressive, I wonder whether locating the stickers so far up the wall is really much help in assisting the research team in meeting their objective?
I take your point Professor. I’ll look into it.
Thank you. Oh and by the way Jeremy, if the member of staff known colloquially as 'Jezza' would like to make himself known to me, I would be pleased to show him something in the Ladies' Toilet that would make his efforts seem paltry.
Good heavens!
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From: New Scientist
You wanted to see me Professor?
As yes, come in and take a seat Jeremy. As you know it has always been my policy to encourage staff to participate, whenever practicable, in the research projects of colleagues in other laboratories.
Despite –
Yes, despite Ms Bowen's involvement in Professor Drummond's ill-fated project.
I hear she is responding well to the latest course of heavy duty antibiotics.
Glad to hear it.
And she can now start hormone treatment to combat the damage to her thyroid caused by that microchip he inserted in her neck.
Excellent news. I have always taken the view that the progress of rigorous scientific experimentation cannot be without the occasional casualty.
Indeed.
However, our Laboratory Superintendent has brought a matter to my attention that may force me to review this policy.
Really?
I refer to the sudden appearance of plastic 'bullseye' stickers on the walls of the Gents Toilet, accompanied by what I take to be pseudonyms or graffiti 'tags' as I believe they are called.
Ah, yes.
I am told they are the result of the involvement of a number of male staff in a project led by our neighbours in the Department of Intervention Parenting.
Do you mean their work on encouraging small boys to urinate accurately?
Indeed, a research objective which is to be much welcomed. However, I am less convinced of the need to involve supposedly mature male adults from a convenient nearby laboratory to test these colour-changing stickers.
I think I know where you’re coming from Professor.
Good. While the efforts of 'Meatball', 'Big John' and the others are not unimpressive, I wonder whether locating the stickers so far up the wall is really much help in assisting the research team in meeting their objective?
I take your point Professor. I’ll look into it.
Thank you. Oh and by the way Jeremy, if the member of staff known colloquially as 'Jezza' would like to make himself known to me, I would be pleased to show him something in the Ladies' Toilet that would make his efforts seem paltry.
Good heavens!
Image: Stefan Wagner
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