Hell To Cut CO2 Emissions
In an extraordinary move, the Devil has agreed to cut gas emissions from Hell to bring it in line with new global energy targets and help tackle climate change.
Following centuries of pumping out carbon dioxide, nitrogen dioxide and brimstone vapours into the environment, a spokesperson yesterday said they had finally decided to reduce fire burning to ‘make hell greener and more modern’.
“It’s a bold step, but one we hope wont compromise our unpleasant and uncomfortable reputation”, said Mason Spalding, a Devil’s advocate.
“Nothing has changed in the way the place is run, but Him Downstairs and the senior management believe it’s the way twenty-first century persecution has to go.”
Hell is thought to be responsible for as much as 20% of global sulphur compound emissions over the last century, leading to huge increases in acid rain production. The new agreement will drastically reduce this output to less than 5% over the next two decades.Environment Secretary David Miliband hailed the changes as “a breakthrough in worldwide thinking”, and urged US President George Bush to take similar steps in his own country.
A Government aide later stated, “it would be great if other countries would follow this initiative to protect the future of our planet, just as Lucifer has”.
Cynics have branded the reductions 'a publicity stunt' and 'a vote-rigging exercise' to make Hell seem more appealing to the public.
Heaven was unavailable for comment.
Share this
