Coffee Shop Ultrasound
An amazing new technology is allowing coffee shop workers to use ultrasound, improving communication during busy periods.
Some full time staff, in a variety of locations across Europe, have been specially trained and fitted with cochlea and vocal cord implants as part of the full healthcare benefits package that the company’s employees enjoy.
Not needed during quiet periods, the amazing communication only starts during periods of heavy brewing, when staff behind the counter can very often “not hear themselves think”, said Charles Impelier, Managing Director of U4Coffee, the company behind the scheme.
“Our staff have been specially trained to know when to switch to ultrasound, suddenly no shouting is required, efficiency is improved and no tempers are raised.”
When beverage-buyers begin to queue, the till-leader emits a few speculative clicks, which, if echoed by the other staff, escalate into full-blown communication. The calls are usually between the 80-100 kHz range; over 120 kHz can lead to a danger of cracking china.
The quality of service has noticeably improved following the change.
However, the scheme has not been without problems, and cafes in Southern Europe have been plagued by the native bat species Myotis capaccinii, which is believed to have mistaken the communicating workers as willing mating partners. This has hampered evening trade in some regions.
This new technology could revolutionise City trading, although companies would have to carefully regulate their click frequencies to avoid confusion and rogue trading.
Why not seek out some more spoof?
- Cool - Hope for nano-puters
- Supercool - Transmitting food
- Supersupercool - Short straw drawn
- Weirdos - Meet the fakers
Some full time staff, in a variety of locations across Europe, have been specially trained and fitted with cochlea and vocal cord implants as part of the full healthcare benefits package that the company’s employees enjoy.
Not needed during quiet periods, the amazing communication only starts during periods of heavy brewing, when staff behind the counter can very often “not hear themselves think”, said Charles Impelier, Managing Director of U4Coffee, the company behind the scheme.
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When beverage-buyers begin to queue, the till-leader emits a few speculative clicks, which, if echoed by the other staff, escalate into full-blown communication. The calls are usually between the 80-100 kHz range; over 120 kHz can lead to a danger of cracking china.
The quality of service has noticeably improved following the change.
However, the scheme has not been without problems, and cafes in Southern Europe have been plagued by the native bat species Myotis capaccinii, which is believed to have mistaken the communicating workers as willing mating partners. This has hampered evening trade in some regions.
This new technology could revolutionise City trading, although companies would have to carefully regulate their click frequencies to avoid confusion and rogue trading.
Why not seek out some more spoof?
- Cool - Hope for nano-puters
- Supercool - Transmitting food
- Supersupercool - Short straw drawn
- Weirdos - Meet the fakers
Image: Thorsten Epping
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