Scientists In Ark Disaster
By James Marson
Scientists attempting to load a wooden vessel with two of every animal on the planet have discovered that such a vessel would have had serious problems staying afloat, according to a man with a badge this afternoon.The team of six scientists who had at least eight beards between them reported on their findings by megaphone shortly before sinking to the bottom of the specially constructed test chamber in Atlanta, Florida which is in Atlanta, near Florida in Massachusetts.
“They got as far as loading in the gnu pair before the vessel sunk without trace in the early hours of this morning”, said a sourceboat, “they were insistent on loading them alphabetically so we suspect a lot of the fish survived but it doesn’t look good for some of the heavier animals like the elephant and the coypu which, although it looks small, has massive density and teeth which affect swimming.”
The researchers behind the experiment are planning to send a team of divers to recover the scientist and animals “if God wills it”. A team of Latent Botanists is on hand to interpret any signs of whether a rescue can be made in the perfectly calm, artificially-created weather of the test chamber later this month. Meanwhile organisers of the event are struggling to contain the queues of impatient animals who were looking forward to taking part in the Ark’s maiden voyage and who now may have to wait years for a similar opportunity to arise. Some, however, remain positive.
“I’ve been enjoying the scenery and chatting to a whole bunch of species I never would have encountered otherwise,“ said an ocelot, “although some of the creatures up ahead were surprisingly obnoxious, especially the ox-like ones. As far as we’re concerned, no gnus is good news.”
Plans to drain the pool have been postponed until Wednesday while organisers run a book on which creature will float to the surface first.
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Image: Anne Syrjälä/Neil Watters
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