Dumbed up science

Real headlines, no research. Scanning the science news this week, Null's very own Andrew Impey gives a simple interpretation for the lay person – without having necessarily bothered to read the article first.

Alaskan Space Grant program launches BEAR

Determined not to be left out of the space race, the Alaskan community have launched their first ever space program. Boris the grizzly bear cleared the launch pad at Anchorage at 08:00 this morning and in the process made history in becoming the first bear to orbit the Earth. "This is a very proud day for Alaska" claimed Duke McLusky the Mayor of Anchorage "and one that I, and Boris for that matter, will not forget in a hurry." (read actual story)

Microbes the answer to energy crisis

With the dramatic rise in oil prices taking its grip on the world's economies, scientists in Australia think they may have come up with the answer. They have developed a new microbe which not only regenerates incredible quickly, it also gives off incredible amounts of heat through combustion. The Australian government have already sanctioned the conversion of one of its existing coal fired power stations to test the new microbe burning potential. (read actual story)

Otters reveal their identity

One of the longest running taxonomic debates seems to be finally drawing to a close with the news that otters are in fact rodents and not mustelids, as was previously assumed. At a hastily arranged press conference the otters came clean and said that, for the sake of their families, they just couldn't go on with the deception any longer. (read actual story)

Plastic brain outsmarts experts

After three years of pain staking work, researchers in Kentucky were left rather embarrassed when they unveiled their revolutionary plastic brain to the waiting media. Prof Tolkin from the Institute for Revolutionary Neuro Studies attempted to open up the brain to demonstrate the incredible inner workings, but he just could fathom out the damn safety catch. Try as he might, he couldn't get the ruddy thing open and eventually had to admit defeat claiming "well I don't know what's wrong with the stupid thing." (read actual story)