The Other Lab: Narcotics Research
By Richard Bond
Listen in on the conversations behind the headlines; visit the Other Lab by Richard Bond:
“Taking narcotics may be part of our evolutionary inheritance”
Quoted from New Scientist.
May I speak to a Mr Bartholomew Simpson please?
That’s me.
Ah good morning. This is Samantha Davis at the Royal Society. I’m Secretary to the Undergraduate Overseas Fieldwork Grant Fund. It’s in relation to your application for funds for your project to study the role of narcotics in the evolution of human endurance.
Yes.
Well, I’m sorry to tell you that it’s been unsuccessful.
Damn! What was wrong with it?
It was felt that your proposal contained methodological flaws.
Flaws?
Yes. The Panel did feel that there was some value in providing experimental evidence to support the theory that our human ancestors used narcotics to help them endure harsh environmental conditions. But I’m afraid they felt that your planned visit to the lower foothills of the Himalayas would not fully reflect the level of environmental harshness required for a credible field study.
Really? It’s pretty tough out there you know.
Not if you intend to stay for six weeks at the Mahatma Ghandi Hotel, Kathmandu, as suggested in your application.
I could stay somewhere else, I guess
They also expressed concern about the reliability of the ‘diary exercise’ method proposed for collecting your data and whether a sample size of two - yourself and your research partner, Mr Ralph Wiggum, would suffice to generate reliable results.
Hmm.
The Panel also had concerns about your Head of Department’s reference claiming that your work will “provide a paradigm shift in our understanding of human evolution”.
He should know.
Well, I’m afraid the Panel felt that it rather overstated the potential value of the project...
Who are they kidding?
… and appears to have been signed by a Professor Montgomery Burns FRS, of whom the Society has no record.
Ah.
I should add that the Panel was impressed by your obvious enthusiasm for the topic. Nevertheless they felt that the purchase of large amounts of ‘street quality’ cocaine for your proposed field trip did not constitute appropriate use of Royal Society funds.
Can I blame my evolutionary inheritance?
You can try, but I should point out that the Panel did not specifically invite a resubmission.
To find out more about Richard and read more of his articles click here.
“Taking narcotics may be part of our evolutionary inheritance”
Quoted from New Scientist.
May I speak to a Mr Bartholomew Simpson please?
That’s me.
Ah good morning. This is Samantha Davis at the Royal Society. I’m Secretary to the Undergraduate Overseas Fieldwork Grant Fund. It’s in relation to your application for funds for your project to study the role of narcotics in the evolution of human endurance.
Yes.
Well, I’m sorry to tell you that it’s been unsuccessful.
Damn! What was wrong with it?
It was felt that your proposal contained methodological flaws.
Flaws?
Yes. The Panel did feel that there was some value in providing experimental evidence to support the theory that our human ancestors used narcotics to help them endure harsh environmental conditions. But I’m afraid they felt that your planned visit to the lower foothills of the Himalayas would not fully reflect the level of environmental harshness required for a credible field study.
Really? It’s pretty tough out there you know.
Not if you intend to stay for six weeks at the Mahatma Ghandi Hotel, Kathmandu, as suggested in your application.
I could stay somewhere else, I guess
They also expressed concern about the reliability of the ‘diary exercise’ method proposed for collecting your data and whether a sample size of two - yourself and your research partner, Mr Ralph Wiggum, would suffice to generate reliable results.
Hmm.
The Panel also had concerns about your Head of Department’s reference claiming that your work will “provide a paradigm shift in our understanding of human evolution”.
He should know.
Well, I’m afraid the Panel felt that it rather overstated the potential value of the project...
Who are they kidding?
… and appears to have been signed by a Professor Montgomery Burns FRS, of whom the Society has no record.
Ah.
I should add that the Panel was impressed by your obvious enthusiasm for the topic. Nevertheless they felt that the purchase of large amounts of ‘street quality’ cocaine for your proposed field trip did not constitute appropriate use of Royal Society funds.
Can I blame my evolutionary inheritance?
You can try, but I should point out that the Panel did not specifically invite a resubmission.
To find out more about Richard and read more of his articles click here.
Image: Reena Young
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