The sleep retardant properties of my ex-girlfriend
By Ryan Shaun Baker
Human-Computer Interaction Institute, Carnegie Mellon University, Pittburgh, Pennsylvania.
Introduction
The importance of a good night’s sleep can not be overestimated. Getting more than 7 hours of sleep a night helps in retention and deep encoding of information, which is essential in graduate school1. Also, getting sufficient amounts of sleep results in a better mood and a greater level of happiness2.
Given this, I decided to conduct a study on those factors that influenced the amount of sleep I was getting, in order to determine how to get more sleep.
One factor that I predicted would have especially large effects was my girlfriend at the time, Hermina. I have induced that several of my acquaintances believe that Hermina would have significant positive effects on sleep - in the words of one such acquaintance, Tom, “M
"... due to her sleep-retardant properties, I could not continue to sleep with her, an act she termed 'breaking up'."