Thank you for that very lively presentation Mr Spender.

Dr Spender.

Of course, Dr Spender. Do you mind if I call you Simon?

Dr Simon

Dr Simon?

Dr Simon Spender, that’s me.

Of course. Anyway, I wanted to start off by asking you what you feel you could offer us here at Smithers & Sons, purveyors of fine marmalades?

Well, I have a PhD of course.

Indeed, ‘the effects of amylase enzymes on the structure of polysaccharides in the gut lumen of marine vertebrates,’ I believe. It’s just that I wasn’t quite sure...

Ah, but I’m not just a PhD.

No?

Certainly not, a PhD isn’t just a thesis you know. Not these days, oh no, it’s a set of high level transferable skills.

Really?

Absolutely. I can offer you a much wider range of generic skills than your mere graduate.

Indeed?

Oh yes, I spent a whole week in Cumbria finding out what I’m really good at, only last month.

And what would you say are your key strengths?

Team leadership.

Good. Can you give me an example?

Certainly. I took a vigorous leadership role in building a complex structure from drinking straws that was strong enough to support a brick.

A brick?

Yep. A real brick.

Really?

Yep, well nearly.

Nearly?

It collapsed when we put the brick on it. But that wasn’t the point of the exercise of course, even though it meant we didn’t win the chocolate, damn it. It was Samantha’s fault; I knew she hadn’t built the base properly. I should never have trusted her...

So a good team player. Anything else?

According to my group tutor, I'm a rabid completer-finisher.

Rabid?

Yep. When the rest of my team had given up and gone to the bar, I was determined to finish our plasticine model of Scafell Pike. Of course I had to start all over again - useless bunch - and it did take all night, but I finished it alright. Oh yes. I think that made an impression.

I’m sure it did. Well Mr, I mean, Dr Spender, thank you very much for coming. It’s been... most enlightening.

Thank you for seeing me. And I look forward to hearing from you. Do you have any idea how long it will be?

Oh very soon, Dr Spender, very soon.